i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
