Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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