Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
