So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
