After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
