Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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