I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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