I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
