I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
