She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
