You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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