ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
