His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
