Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There r osticjed everywhere
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
