Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
