I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
