i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
