My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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