i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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