I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
