He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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