Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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