On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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