I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
