so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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