I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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