i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pray to the hookup gods
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
