I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
