Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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