Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
