A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
