i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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