I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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