Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
