We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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