there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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