My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
