woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
