Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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