Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
