I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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