If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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