I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
