Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
