I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
