peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I love you. Go after that dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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