I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want a musical about memes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
