everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
