i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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