then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
